Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
