i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
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i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
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Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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