wrigley field is MILF paradise
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize