and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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