Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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