We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
