just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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