I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize