He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
