I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
