Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
