yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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