I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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