How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
