accomplished twins. life is a go
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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