Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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