i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
