Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
