Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
