i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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