New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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