My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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