the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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