I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
