if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
