why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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