every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
