It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
