is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
