I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
