I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
