hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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