If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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