cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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