We're like a lot better than the average bears
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize