I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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