I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
