Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
