why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
