So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
cat food counts as protein by the way
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
