I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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