I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
not ubering you a puppy
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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