How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
