So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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