You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have already put on my inside pants.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
