butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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