facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
