Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
