How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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