five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
