dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
