ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type