why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.