i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.