I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
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Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We're too hungover to prance.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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