Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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