I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
