See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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