there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
