??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
