There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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