Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
