Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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