do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
