I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
