Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
