god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
