No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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