I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
