We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
40s are totally the cure
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
