I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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