just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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