So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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